We hear so much about childhood marriages, but no one talks about the early age marriages. When should a girl get married. Should she complete her study first or study should not be dependent on marital status. These are some very frequently asked questions when we talk about marriage.
Story #1 – Story of a Liberal Family
Once upon a time, there was a girl. Super talented, lively and good at studies. She got married quite young let’s just say she did not complete her bachelors yet. She was married with the thought that she will continue her studies because boys’ family was very educated and good. When asked the girls’ mother that why not let her complete her degree first. She replied that boy’s family says she can complete after marriage the boy shall support.
(Actual words were ‘larkay waley kehtey hain hamara larka konsa bacha hai jo kitaabein phaar day ga’.Everyone laughed at this joke. )
It’s worth mentioning that both boy and girl were from well to do families.
Anyways after almost a year they broke off. Because boy thought he was unduly burdened for her education financially (although he knew that it was going to be so). Further, he had problem with her no contribution in home chores because she was studying. He was not happy with her choosing brands all the time. He thought she had become very high maintenance for him.
He was annoyed with her talking too much to her mom and friends. He was annoyed because she was not wise according to him. It’s not that girl didn’t try. She tried to juggle so much between home chores and study. But she never had done any of them before. So, she was not doing them like a pro.
She tolerated his difficult attitude & shouting for a year. She fell into depression. Boy was not helping, and girl was taking her natural time to learn about the world.Girl wasted a year of her life and her education because of this relationship & it’s chaos. After they broke off, she began her study in full swing again. Completed her degree and started working. Now she has become a confident and empowered woman who knows of her worth.Now can face anything in life with strong nerves and can handle difficult people with more maturity.
You may Like to Read: 7 Don’ts of a Marriage
Moral of Young Age Marriage Story No.1
It takes time to understand the world and It’s high and lows.To learn self-control. To learn a whole lot of everything about people and their attitudes. Allow your daughters this time at their fathers’ home.Young age marriages are like ‘on job training. And it’s not best in every one’s scenario. Not everyone is that lucky.
Story#2: Story of a Conservative Family
Once upon a time, there was a bright girl. From a very conservative family. There was a trend of early marriages in her family. But girl always thought that her story shall be different as she was so prominent in studies. everyone in family knew.She took the engineering test after doing her F.Sc. But to her bad luck she could not pass. Within 6 months of that exam. They married her off. And reasons given were
Why she needs to study (‘Kia karnahaiitnaparh Kay’)
She is a girl, eventually her job is to raise kids (‘Larkizaathai. Akhir ko bachay hi palnay hain)
We are not going to make her do the Job to earn money (‘Hum nay konsa nokari karwani hai)
Home chores donot require a degree (‘Ghardaari k liay saleeqa chahiye degree nhi)
Please note that both families could afford her studies. However, Girl did not study after marriage. It was not even a point. Everyone was agreed on the fact that she won’t continue study. So, the girl started managing household, had kids, raised them and did everything to save & strengthen her marriage.
She had a passion for art. She could have continued it at home. However, there was never even a try by husband to know about his wife’s interests. It is one of the biggest young age marriage problems. Husband doesn’t concern about wife’s interests. Not even a single thought of her abilities. Her dreams or what she would or could achieve. & if she ever mentioned that she could have done so well, given the chance. She would get a reply, Focus on raising the kids (‘ bachay paloya hi boha thai’ )
Moral of Young Age Marriage Story No.2
A talent was brutally wasted. They said it’s in her best interest, but it was not. No one has any idea (still) that she sacrificed her self-confidence, achievements & dreams. How much she wanted to learn and grow but was denied the opportunity. .
When shall people understand that it’s necessary especially for a woman to have a degree. So that she could save herself any trouble that might come in future. Why not make her financially independent so that she could feed herself and her children if need be. Why not let her complete education so that she could raise her kids better? Why not let her grow & be her better self.
Allow your daughters to complete education & have a degree because if you don’t, chances are no one will.
We all (or let say the most of us) believe in the institution of marriage. We talk about its importance and its deep roots in society. And we talk about the issues related to it. There is so much literature available online and offline about how to make your marriage happy, how to strengthen your marital bond, how to achieve happily-ever-after in marriage. And all we hear are the things a couple need to do AFTER marriage.
However, no one talks about what can parents and society do to make the bond of marriage a happily ever-after even BEFORE marriage. We always talk about the right time for a boy to get married. We hear a lot about the financial stability of the boy, his completion of study, his maturity and his general achievements. But not many of us think or like to think about if the girl is ready for marriage.
No one talks about her maturity, her studies, her dreams. This is where we make grave mistake. Well it may result in a broken marriage or an unhappy marriage. And this mindset eventually causes an increase of dependents in the society. The girl who could become strong and empowered, emotionally and financially both, eventually end up becoming only a dependent for male members of the family.
I say to strengthen your family, please empower your women. Let them study, become someone and then marry. It can bring so much good to the family specifically and to the society overall. Don’t let talents waste in the name of marriage. Completing education and that too skill-based education which ensure the earning in future should be the first and foremost priority of every parent.
Don’t struggle so much to give them the dowry. Give them time and finances to complete their education, earn the degree and secure their future. So that when they get married, they live with dignity, self-respect and self-confidence.