This is the very First photo of my new born right after he was born. ❤️
I remember consciously waiting for his first cry when he was pulled outside of me. And a sigh of relief that I took after hearing that scream like cry.
I always thought that I shall be a tough mother. Not easily worried not excessively pampering. Yet I proved to be totally opposite. I thought I am a mother the moment I figured out the presence of my son inside of me. But it took long till I realized what is it to be a mother. Motherhood is a journey and it takes a whole lot of process to become one. I am going to share mine with you. It might be long. It might be detailed. But its going to be worth your time
Positive pregnancy test and joys of early ultrasounds
I got to know about my son when I was 1 month into this. I remember feeling joyed. As if a much-awaited prize is suddenly given to me. Since then motherhood was to care for myself and for him. Not to skip any doctor visit. And the ultimate joy was seeing him in ultrasound and always sketching in my mind how he would look like. The way he used to slip &swim in those early ultrasounds and the way he was growing as we moved along was amazing. He was always active. Kicking, rolling over and slipping around.
My condition during pregnancy- Nausea, backache, always tired
I remember I was never conscious of his movements because there were always plenty, So much so that they would not let me sleep. I used to be up almost all the time, changing positions during night. My worst nausea continued for good 5 months and it was most difficult time. I remember running away to vomit all the time, then sitting exhausted and not able to move.
My pregnancy journey in last few months near my due date
Last few months were easy though. I was able to walk and that too for quite long. I was composed most of the times. Till one day, when I was in my 9th month and a week away from my due date. I realized that I did not feel any movement for quite some time. I remember trying to make him kick or at least move but there was silence. This scared me to death. First time in my whole pregnancy I was super worried.
First hospital visit near due date
Soon I was in the hospital for the checkup. They checked the heartbeat of the baby and kept me under observation for an hour or more. They said all is well. Baby just chose to act lazy that day and there is no sign of labor yet. They said go home it shall take another week.
This day was exactly a week before my due date. I came home content and happy and told my family that baby is not in hurry to come out. He will take another week.
The night when labor pains started
That night I thought to change my sheets on the bed, just to get a neat and clean feeling. That was then I felt an unbearable pressure and I sat where I was. Then started the pains at regular intervals. It was around 2:00 am. It was such a tough night. I was alone. I told no one. Because I did not feel appropriate to disturb others at night time. I spent the night curling up in bed with pain and crying non-stop. I called my doctor at 10:00 am told her the regular unbearable pains. And at 12:00 am I was admitted. A doctor confirmed that labor had started at night.
A decision about Epidural, Risks and advantages
I felt as if it shall never end. When the labor was in its early stages Doctor came and asked me if I would like to have Epidural. I had already read and researched about it. And I was just so sure to get it. I told my Husband as well. An anesthetist who was to give epidural came in and first told us all about what can go wrong after Epidural. It was dead drop silence around me.
My family and in-laws both were super worried hearing all that. I remember my husband freaked out too. Haha. He said why would we opt for such a risky thing. He refused to sign the papers he was given to sign for Epidural. Then I had to reassure him that it shall be alright, and he need not worry. But of course it took him some time to compose himself before he could sign the papers for me.
The process of getting Epidural and how I felt
Then came the time of getting the much-awaited Epidural. Its process was easy. Anesthetist came, she said to me to sit relaxed and not to move at all. It was just a prick that I felt and that’s ll. It was all good after that.
Honestly, I was scared too. But if I was to choose between the unforeseen risks of epidural and the pain I was in for the last 15 hours. I chose to get that injection and to save myself from the pains. After Epidural, things were easier.
The delivery time was finally there after 24 hours of active labor
I was given false pains after epidural except that I could feel nothing of my lower body. I was not able to move my legs even. It was after midnight that I slept (or maybe fainted is the correct word) for an hour. After I woke up, I was sure that it’s the time. I don’t know how I knew it but it was a feeling. I called for the doctor and I said her that I think the time has come. She was amazed at herself. I still remember her courteous face. She got the checkup done and said to me that you are right. It’s the time. I was taken to the delivery room within next 15 minutes. After saying a quick bye to my family. Their faces where smiling yet worried at the same time.
A Scene from the delivery room
Delivery room/ Theatre was big and cold. Or maybe I was feeling cold. Anyway, I was there surrounded by a bunch of nurses and my doctor. I always thought about privacy for this moment. But to be honest I could not process anything clearly at that time. I had no feeling but the excitement of seeing my baby. I remember hearing doctor saying push only once or twice and there he was. So quick to come out.
He was pulled out and how I greeted him
After when he was pulled out of me, I was so eager to hear his voice. I had zero energy to keep myself conscious. But the only thing my mind tried to track was that first scream only to be followed by a cry. It took some seconds before he cried, and those some seconds felt like a lifetime to me. That was probably the only time I wanted him to cry and was so anxious to hear that. And honestly, it was a moment of utmost satisfaction.
How I met my son the first time
Nurse brought him to me after covering him with sheets and clothes. And there was this moment. The moment I had imagined in my head again and again. Thinking of this, my mind used to craft tiny details of a perfect moment. But when it came true. It was just so imperfectly perfect. I could not hold him because I had zero energy.
But I gathered all my strength and managed to pull my body which was still in the effect of epidural numbness, I kissed his head and little hand. That feeling! Yes, that feeling of inhaling the sweetest of the smell, it’s still in the happy corner of my mind. And I am sure it’s going to stay there forever. That heavenly smell of a newborn. No fragranc ecan beat that. Yes?
Delivering the placenta? Yes!
Well to be honest, everyone talks about delivering the baby and their birth stories, but no one talks about delivering placenta and how traumatizing that could be. After when my boy was delivered, I delivered a placenta too. Only that it did not come out alone. It came out with a gush of blood. These warm drops were all over me and all over the floor. I felt so scared. Its not everyday that you are showered with your own blood. Is it? :-l
The story of shivering badly after stiches and asking for blankets
Then came the time for the stiches. By the time stitches were done I started feeling cold. Around 20-30 minutes after delivery, I started shivering badly. It was so bad that I asked nurse to cover me with blankets before shifting me back to the labor room. Irony of the situation is that nurse was not a bit worried about me shivering that much, she was only worried that the delivery theatre blankets are being taken to the delivery room. Which was against the hospital policies. I was like, you can’t be serious dear nurse. But she was all SERIOUS. Is not it cruel? Huh.
Relaxing with little human right next to me
I was granted permission to have tea with biscuits to warm up. My family gathered around me there. Nurse brought my son. Now he was lying next to me and I never felt more content.
It was a feeling of ultimate satisfaction and relaxation. We were both lying together in one bed and I could smell him, kiss him and hold him as much as I would like.
What else could be a best scenario?
Shifting from the labor room to the private room and another hospital policy
After some hours I was shifted to the room. While I was in process of shifting. A family member was holding my son. While she said she would take baby to the room because everyone was waiting. The Nurse took over the child and said ‘Baby goes with mother only. Not without her’. It felt like a moment of ownership to me. And I was so happy on hospital policy as well. Baby stays with the mother. Then nurse carried the baby all the way to the room. When we entered the room, she handed him over to me. Was not this the best of the hospital policies? I think yes!
Not that I was not comfortable with my family members holding the baby. It was perfect. They are my son’s family too. But in other cases, may be the baby is the safest with the mother only. World can be a very unfair and difficult place to be, at times. So, it’s best for the hospitals to make such policies and stick to them, no matter what.
How my and my son met the family
They were all there. My Family, my parents and siblings and in-laws. Everyone was so over-joyed and so happy. They were all talking about how peacefully he is asleep. And who he resembles the most. I like these pretty discussions. They make me feel the warmth of life.
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What is motherhood to me and how it binds me to my little boy
Motherhood is all about giving. It about taking 100% responsibility of a tiny human who can do nothing for himself, can tell nothing about himself and is all dependent on his mother. No love is pure than a mother love and no passion is more than a mother’s passion for her baby. No duty is tougher than a mother’s and no responsibility if heavier than a baby’s brought up. This sweet combination of love and responsibility starts from the day you see a positive result of your pregnancy test and it never ends.
What I can’t forget about my Birth story at all?
I remember shivering badly after that. I also remember warm drops of blood on my face and arms as the placenta was delivered. But in between everything that was happening from the gush of blood after placenta and the noise of nurses talking; to the shivering which was absolutely overwhelming in itself. I was waiting for the nurse to bring him to me. And as he was brought covered in this wrapping sheet. I gathered all the strength to grab his little hand to kiss.
The moment which i would never forget is the time when i kissed his forehead and sweetest of the smell of this little being. What lovely moments and memories. 😍
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What is meant by Strong Mother-baby bonding ? I Got answer
I was shifted from the delivery room back to the recovery room in 3 blankets. It took me 2 hours to recover from that shiver. But he was brought to my side soon after I was in the recovery room.
He was sleeping all along but I could not stop looking at my darling. 😘Babies do this miracle. They leave mothers in the flood of emotions yet short of words.
I remember not caring for the stitches or the pains and trying to sit up and feed him. That’s the beauty of this relation. The sacrifice and selflessness, that mothers willingly do.
The journey that started from that first kiss which defined the physical touch is now many months old. No. the journey started even earlier. It started from the day when I got to know of his existence in my belly. I could not feel him then but I had been caring for him since then. Hoping for and looking forward to many more love filled and beautiful days to come.
What Changes Motherhood bring for me?
Motherhood brought many changes along with it. Changes to myself, my thought process and my lifestyle. It made me the good version of myself. More empathetic, more sympathetic, more understanding and more committed to the responsibilities.
Wrap up and Ending note
Sometimes I feel that motherhood came to me the moment I heard him scream or the minute I saw his sweet face. Or the moment Nurse mentioned he belongs to me and only me. But no. I felt I was his mother when he cried for his first feed. At that time, I was awake for more than 36 hours and was dead tired. Yet it took me a second to get up to feed him
So, Cheers to the first time mothers cheers to the sleepless nights and love to all babies out there. They are the loveliest little beings in our lives. Our sunshine, our hope ❤️
i have shared my complete birth story with you. Would you like to share your experience with me? What problems you face and what you can’t forget about that day? Feel free to comment below.